Spiders vs. Dave

So, I like people to think that I am a Blokey-Bloke (it only takes a look at my clothes, language, baby face, cleanliness and sporting prowess to see otherwise), and part of that is getting rid of bugs and spiders.  But recently I have been losing my nerve.  There has been 3 occasions in the past 2 weeks that spiders have tried to steal my manliness.

I often have spiders living in the side mirrors, no matter how many times I blow them out with high-pressure hoses they seem to always return.  I thought they were small spiders, not tiny but just a bit bigger than a 50cent piece.  Well usually they are that size but I have had 2 occasions that a huntsman has squeezed out of there and almost made me wee my pants.  I have had enough of having spider run from the rear window along to the front while I’m driving at 100km/h, (at which point I accelerated to 140km/h to blow it off or at least give it a scare but it never works.) I even sat in my car for 5 mins because I knew the spider was just sitting on the roof because I saw him go up there (he was just sitting there looking at me when I finally jumped out of the car like a girl, I then brushed him off and squished him… There was a new one in there 2 days later.)

Spider 0 vs. Dave 1

Manliness 0 vs. Little Girliness 1

Compassion 0 vs. Death 1

The second instance was the next day.  Em and I went out to play our mixed netball competition, Go Mixed Nuts, it was about 11pm when we finally got home and being the gentleman that I am I opened the door for my wife.  As I opened the security fly screen door a huntsman (small than the day before) started to drop down.  Em squealed (like a little girl) and woke up the neighborhood, I obviously freaked out because when your wife squeals you run to save her.  Turns out that ‘I was almost eaten by a man eating tarantula’ she was fine, she screamed to save me, (Such a caring girl I married).  After a few minutes of intense recovery counseling, I sheepishly returned to the door to tackle this man-eating beast to the ground so my damsel in distress would be able to enter into our humble yet homely castle.  As I lay eyes on the monster I took another few minutes to unlace my well-tied sport shoes to slay the dragon beast.  In the end I conquered it and our doorway was once again freed from the tyranny of this dictatorship of the spider.

Spider 0 vs. Dave 2

Manliness 1 vs. Little Girliness 1

Compassion 0 vs. Death 2

The final case was at school.  A Mammoth, and I mean Mammoth; spider was sitting above the music room I teach in.  This think was bigger than my hand.  He started off on the roof of the music block at the beginning of the year where I couldn’t get to him and he has been making webs in the corner of the high roof for 7 years I’ve been told.  Well he made a mistake the day he came down to my room.  All the females had run off terrified and I was called in to get rid of this thing.  So with a trusty cordial jug and piece of paper I went in and captured him (he may have lost a leg because the carafe container still wasn’t big enough to hold him), I slide the paper and under him and took him outside.  He was lucky that I thought he was amazing and I didn’t kill him (probably because he would have picked me up if I had tried to stand on him), I let him go.  But when he moved towards me I jumped back, so unfortunately that means I have to put that down as a ‘little girl’ moment.

So the final tally stands at:

Spider 0 vs. Dave 3

Manliness 1 vs. Little Girliness 2

Compassion 1 vs. Death 2.

So as you can see, unfortunately ‘Little Girliness’ has won this time, but you wait I’ll show you I’m a man…someday.

It seems others are fighting the same battle at the moment too, I saw this mentor ad last night and instantly it summed up all fears I had, check it out.

Just a Thought (of a girly man)


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